SharePoint Framework and the missing script and/or content editor web part. Here are three sources to learn about how you could roll your own:
How to change the default text displayed at the bottom of stock web parts.
Nice little script that disables items in the Actions menu of a list or library.
And this April Fools Joke can clearly be filed under ‚How to not use your Intranet‘. Although i could raise some valid questions about authenticity and transparency and how these concepts relate to digital communication, the reality leaves me baffled.